Brain Food

As the mother of three of my own little monsters—the shambling, groaning, biting kind —I’m very concerned about issues that affect all families, including those of the undead variety.  I’m especially concerned with the quality of food available to our children.

My own children do not partake of anything that has already been killed and refrigerated (we like it fresh and struggling), but this is still an issue that affects them.  When living children eat over-processed, sodium-packed pseudo-meat products, the quality of their meat suffers such that my own children become irritable and hyperactive after consuming them.

Pink slime has been making big headlines in recent months.  It’s a food-like substance that looks delicious and nutritious, but in fact is composed largely of dog food and ammonia and it contains almost no healthy brain matter.  We all deserve a pat on the back for collectively deciding that we’re not going to eat that stuff anymore, and many fast food restaurants and other meat providers no longer use it. 

But pink slime is just the tip of the iceberg.  There are artificial preservatives, sodium, hormones and pesticides in everything.  When this stuff gets into the living bloodstream, it really makes the flesh go off.  My kids refuse to eat and they’re cranky all night.  Nobody likes a cranky zombie toddler.

Not everyone can afford to buy organic.  Food is expensive and the people who can afford organic tend to drive large vehicles that are hard to tip over.  But what everyone can do is make an effort.  Make a list of the food list you normally buy, and pick which foods you absolutely can’t live without, like chicken, potatoes, vital organs and chocolate chip cookies.

Decide which foods you can afford to buy in organic form—particularly fresh produce.  Fresh fruit and vegetables are wonderfully healthy  – and they make you and your kids oh so sweet and tender.  I suggest visiting a farmer’s market.  You might get lucky – hippies are delicious – but I digress.

Make a pros and cons list of all the “maybe” foods that have little nutritional value, and get rid of anything that has more than three cons.  For example, if Yummy Gummy Fruit Snacks contain artificial flavors, artificial colors, and a magical ingredient that turns healthy teeth into rotting husks overnight, nix the snacks and buy apples instead.  Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with rotting husks, but decay really does have quite an off-taste.

Shop smart, and pick your battles.  If enough of the living do this, maybe food manufacturers will take notice and adjust the quality of their products accordingly.  You don’t need a nervous system full of chemicals and neither do your kids.

It makes you taste funny.

Leave a Comment