Kids on a Rope

Breathers can be a judgmental lot. Personally, I don’t get it. Take it from someone with personal experience; we all look the same when the worms are having Thanksgiving.

And I realize the irony of my making a judgment call about how judgy people judge others, but what I judge is that my judgment ow my brain.

Anyway, what’s the big deal with toddler leashes? I understand judging other parents for safety issues—smoking, seat belts, feeding the kids road kill because that jogger was a lot faster than he looked—but why judge someone for putting their kid on a leash in public?

One argument I’ve heard is that they’re humiliating. Zombie, please. We’re talking about a class of people that picks its nose in church. My kids used to pick each others noses and eat them at that age. (After fishing my daughter’s nose out of my son’s mouth for the third time, I got a little smarter about packing snacks for the road.) Don’t tell me that a kid who digs around in his orifices whenever he gets bored is going to even notice a nylon strap.

Another argument is that kids kept on leashes will never learn how to listen and stay close to parents in public. Again: ZOMBIE, PLEASE. I think the kid would be more inclined to stay close if he didn’t have to grip a sweaty, clammy, rotting hand or sit strapped into a stroller the whole time he’s out. Making a kid hold your hand is all well and good for a quick walk across the street, but extended hand-holding can lead to defiance, struggling, and in my younger son’s case, shambling off through a crowded mall, leaving his fat little fist still clenched in mine.
I loved the leash for my kids. Having a visible radius to avoid made it easier on the breathers around me, too. I was able to enjoy my kids’ presence more, since I was able to take my eyes off them long enough to actually shop and relax, and my fellow shoppers knew exactly how far away to stand to avoid a sudden lunge.

Every so often I still forget to pack snacks.

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