Zombie Awareness Month: The Undead Perspective

Spring flowers are in bloom.  Days and getting longer and there’s a hint of summer in the air.  Spring fever is as contagious as the z-virus.  Unlike the z-virus, the cure simply calls for time outdoors and there are plenty of events going on.  This past Saturday had Free Comic Book Day and National Homebrew Day competing for attention.  Wonder which beer pairs best with Action Comics.  Maybe a strong stout would go well with Batman’s dark brooding nature.  This debate can be settled on May 25thGeek Pride Day, which also coincides with Towel Day.

There are several month-long observations, too. Sit up straight, it’s Correct Posture Month.  Give Fido and Fluffy an extra treat.  It’s National Pet Month.  Tell everyone about it.  It’s International Social Media Month.  Go to bed early tonight.  It’s Better Sleep Month.  Good luck getting any.  The Zombie Research Society has declared May Zombie Awareness Month.  Ponder that when you’re laying down to catch some z’s while us z’s are trying to catch you.

On one disembodied hand, we appreciate the attention so long as it comes with a feeding and not an axe to the noggin.  We prefer to get brains than to be brained, thank you very much.  Some might argue that any publicity is good publicity, but that’s simply not the case if it means facing an angry mob toting torches and pitchforks.  

We get the point.  We’re not always welcome and we hope to change that.  The Zombie Research Society recognizes that we undead have a scientific origin rather than dubious occult origins.  It’s a good start, but the breather supremacists go on with contests rewarding people to find ways to exterminate us both individually and in mass:

The winner is Ashley Cogan, for her weapon of choice: “I would use the lawn zombie as a weapon! The head can be carved out and used as a helmet and/or could trick zombies into thinking you are one of them. The arms can be ripped off and used as bludgeon weapons, like two bats. And the torso can be used as a projectile – like a big rock.” ($100 Lawn Zombies Yours Free – ZRS)

The winner is: Laina, for this zombie killing method: “Fill a roll-over roller coaster with zombies but don’t use the seat belts or safety bars, watch them fall out and go splat!” (Zombie Book Back Contest – ZRS)

We’re not the monsters they make us out to be.  Sure, we love brains and we prefer them fresh, but we don’t always need to kill to get them.   It’s not our preference, but we can get by with a brain from a fresh corpse.  You breathers think the only good zombie is a decapitated zombie.  

Our community is more inclusive than most believe.  We’re happy to convince you that our unlifestyle is perfectly fine.  Shamble a mile in our shoes and you may begin to understand.  If you see a zombie sloughing down an alley, try listening to what he has to say. Hold off on putting a crossbow bolt through his eye and you may find that he’ll be your horde partner for the rest of your undead days. 

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